


Wastebasket Letters

by Fernon



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I don't even know what to tag this as, M/M, it gets kinda fluffy, seoksoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 00:59:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15984212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fernon/pseuds/Fernon
Summary: Seokmin and Soonyoung are falling apart.Something needs to change, if they want to stay together.AKASeokmin finds crumpled up papers in the trash can in the office.





	Wastebasket Letters

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in like... two hours. I just felt like I wanted to put more content out there, and I'm potentially working on an actual fic? Planning it out it's only going to be like seven chapters, but I'm just trying to keep myself writing so I don't get rusty again. 
> 
> This was also way angstier than I intended, but I tried to pull the happiest ending out of it I could. Things aren't totally resolved but they aren't a point where you'd be miserable with it (I fricking hate reading fics with miserable endings myself)

            Seokmin doesn’t even know why they’re fighting. It’s just happening again. Soonyoung is screaming about god knows what, since it all started over a goddamn dishrag. But nothing has been right between them lately. Every night for almost a month now, this is how their evenings would go.

            Seokmin would do something, or say something, and they’d fight.

            Or Soonyoung would drop something, or forget something, and they’d fight.

            And this isn’t just a tiny hiccup, with a small, heated exchange of words. It escalates into full blown shouting, and usually one of them is in tears by the end of the night. They haven’t slept in the same bed in almost a month. Seokmin has no clue what to do about this.

            He just knows he’s tired. He’s tired of these petty arguments, he’s tired of fighting all the time, he’s tired of crying himself to sleep every other night. He’s tired of missing Soonyoung. Seokmin just wants to be able to hold Soonyoung again. But he doesn’t know what to do. After the first few spats, he thought it would just blow over. Except when it continued for another week, he didn’t know if it would get better. It hasn’t yet, anyways.  

            “I’m sorry, Soonyoung! It was an accident!” Seokmin tries to explain, he tries to speak over Soonyoung’s words, but it ineffective in the freight train that’s Soonyoung’s argument.

            “I get that it’s an accident, Seokmin, but this is the third plate in the last _month_ that you’ve dropped! Not to mention the messes you keep leaving in the bathroom after you shower that _I_ have had to clean up, and the fact that you _forgot_ to wash the damn kitchen towels and dishrags like I fucking asked you to! I wish just for _once_ I wouldn’t have to clean up after you when I get home from work, where I spend _all day_ cleaning up after people!” Soonyoung shouts, his face the color of a cherry tomato.

            “I spend plenty of time cleaning up after you too, Soonyoung! I’m the one that washes all your dishes and does your laundry! And I’ve cleaned up plenty of water off the bathroom floor after you’ve showered too! This is ridiculous, Soonyoung! Stop acting like you’re the only one that does anything, bus boy! I have a job too, and it’s about a hundred times more stressful than yours is! You just fucking pick up people’s dishes and make sure their glasses of water are full!” Seokmin shouts back. That’s all he _could_ do, to be heard over Soonyoung.

            “Oh, shut up, asshole! You know just as well as I do why I fucking bus tables! That’s a low blow, you fucking prick!” Soonyoung says. “Sorry the company I worked for wanted me to move to fucking _Japan_ for the new branch! Sorry I _quit my job_ so I could stay here with you! Guess I would have been better off just going to fucking Japan!”

            Seokmin flinches at that. But Seokmin is stubborn. Soonyoung wouldn’t have the last word. “Stop acting like you make all the sacrifices here! Do you know how many promotions I’ve had to turn down, because that means I’d _never_ be home?! And you’re the one who fucking suggested we start a family! And then we never fucking did! So I guess it was pretty pointless for you to quit, since here we are a year later, with no family! We don’t even have a dog, like you wanted to get!”

            “Maybe I should have just fucking gone to Japan then, and not fucking married you! Maybe then I wouldn’t be living with a fucking clumsy slob, who I didn’t have to _argue with_ all the goddamn time! Maybe then I’d be _HAPPY_!” Soonyoung’s words are like a slap to Seokmin, who’s mouth immediately closes. Seokmin can feel his heart breaking, and Soonyoung’s face instantly softens.

            “Seokmin, I-”

            “Fine. If you’re so unhappy here with me then I’ll go get a fucking lawyer and fill out some divorce papers.” Seokmin’s the one crying this time, and without another word, he’s shutting himself in the spare bedroom, where he’s slept for the last month, and just crashes down onto the narrow bed. His heart feels like it’s been set on fire and crushed by a semi-truck, and the metal band on his left hand feels like it’s burning.

            He doesn’t know how long he cries for, but he does. He just lays there, sobbing into the worn out pillow that’s already stained with tears from the previous nights that he’s done this. But Seokmin doesn’t know if he’ll be getting any sleep tonight. Seokmin’s whole body is shaking, he’s crying so hard, and his chest feels like it’s caved in on itself, like he has a hole eating away at his being.

            Seokmin manages to stop crying when no tears will actually fall from his eyes anymore, and his cheeks are sticky with dried salt water, and he’s hiccupping pathetically on air, and he can’t seem to find air to breathe. Seokmin notices a few tiny tufts of hair on the pillow beside him, that he must have tugged out of his head at some point.

            He had a habit of doing that, when he was upset. He would tangle his fingers in his hair and pull on them out of frustration. But he’s never actually pulled any hair out. Seokmin brushes the little pieces off the pillow and into the garbage can, and rolls onto his back. He lays there and just stares at the ceiling for what seems like forever, his head pounding, and his nose stuffed up, and his body aching. He glances at the time to see that it’s almost midnight, after he lays there for a while. Seokmin rolls from bed, his knees feeling like jelly and his whole body feeling numb.

            He shuffles through the dark hallway to the bathroom, and grabs one of Soonyoung’s old t-shirts from the laundry hamper, one that Soonyoung wore yesterday when Seokmin asked him to grab a gallon of milk from the store; which had led to a fight. Seokmin had forgotten to text him before he came home, and Soonyoung was highly upset with him for not telling him before he got home, and then leading to the whole ‘Seokmin is forgetful’ thing. But Soonyoung had stormed to the room that they had once shared, changed out of his work clothes, and stormed out.

            Seokmin doesn’t have any sweatpants; they’re in his drawer in the old bedroom. So he forgoes them, and brushes his teeth halfheartedly, before he pads to the kitchen to get a glass of water. The lights are off, except for the light over the stove, which they usually leave on at night. Seokmin takes a glass of the shelf in the cupboard and fills it up in the sink.

            He shuffles back to the spare bedroom, but not before noticing that the light in their office is on, and he sees the overflowing wastebasket full of wadded up papers. Curiosity gets the best of Seokmin and he slips in, setting his glass down on the desk to look through the papers. He grabs one off the floor, uncrumpling it as quietly as he can, and sees it’s Soonyoung’s hand writing.

            _Remember our fifth date? When we went to see that horror movie, because we both were too shy to say we didn’t actually like horror movies? I remember you saying that Joshua had said that it was a good movie, and I asked you if you wanted to see it, because I thought you were interested. Looking back, I should have seen that look of pure worry in your eyes, I know it now, but I didn’t back then. You said yes, but you were cautious. You admitted after the movie that you actually hate horror movies, and that you only said yes because you thought I liked them._

_Well jokes on both of us, because we were both so dumb as to make ourselves see the movie because we thought the other wanted to see it._

_I remember you were shaking like a leaf at that scene when the girl got murdered by the ghost. I almost shit myself, if I’m being honest, when that demon thing popped up out of nowhere. Neither of us slept for three weeks after that._

_My favorite part about that whole thing, though? Was how tightly you held my hand, when I grabbed onto yours. You weren’t going to let me go, and you were squeezing it like your life depended on it. I miss that. I miss you, Seokmin. I miss us being stupidly blind to how much we cared for one another._

_I want to go on another stupid date with you. I’m sorry._

            Seokmin can feel his heart aching all over again, when he recalls that memory. They didn’t even stay for the whole movie. Soonyoung had started crying after half an hour, so they left, and ate their movie theater popcorn at home and watched Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

            Seokmin gingerly picks up another one off the floor.

            _Minnie, do you remember when you met my parents?_

_You were terrified._

_You called me in tears, because you didn’t know what to wear, and you wanted so badly to impress them, that you asked if you should lie about the fact that you were a dog person and not a cat person. I remember having to come over and pick something out for you to wear that would ‘impress them.’ I just chose your favorite button down and the jeans that make your butt the best._

_Do you still have those pants, or are those the ones that ripped when we volunteered at the animal shelter?_

_Anyways, I remember drying your tears when we pulled into the driveway, because you were losing it the whole ride over to their house. And I had to kiss you and tell you it was alright, and we sat in the driveway for twenty minutes while you calmed down and made sure you didn’t look like you had been crying._

_We went in, and my mother hugged you, and so did my dad._

_You absolutely loved my mother’s cooking, since we all know your mother can’t cook (she has admitted it herself, don’t hit me for saying that) and you kicked our asses at Uno. My mother on the spot invited you back for another family game night, this time when my siblings came around. I’ve never told you this, but my mother called me that night and told me that I needed to marry you. I think my mother can see the future._

_We should get together with my parents again for dinner and a game night, I think. My mom calls me all the time and she always asks about you. She’s proud of you, and your stupid business job._

Seokmin can feel the tears welling up in his eyes again as he picks up another crumpled writing from the top of the wastebasket and opens it up.

            _Seokmin, do you remember when I proposed?_

_When I hid all those little papers around the house because your nose was stuck in that book? It was probably the hundredth time you’d read it, but it was your favorite? I only got that paper in the book when you put it down to use the bathroom, and then I went in hid in the backyard, where I had hung up all those little fairy lights and I had called my mom to have her make your favorite dish (since I clearly didn’t get her cooking skills) and I waited while you walked from the spot where your book was sitting on the couch, to the vase of fresh flowers you always keep on the table, the ones I used to send you at work every week? I made sure to get the flowers that I bought you on our first date._

_And then from under the vase, you pulled out another slip of paper telling you to find that t-shirt you wore when we did that walk-a-thon for the animal shelter in town? And then you found that paper, and went to the key rack hanging by the door, that was the first thing we put in our house when we moved in together?_

_Do you remember every spot Minnie?_

_I do. I have all those papers in a box in one of my filing cabinets._

_I remember the look on your face when you walked out the back door of the house and saw me there, on one knee, with the tiny blue velvet box in my hands, and the little silver band. God your face was so beautiful. It still is. But your expression in that exact moment was one that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. You were so confused but the second you saw me everything lit up on your face, and your eyes were full of the stars. I can’t even explain to you how much that face made me feel, Seokmin._

_I wish I could keep that look on your face always._

            Seokmin is crying now, as he clutches that paper to his chest and bites back the sobs that want to escape his throat. He misses Soonyoung, he misses every happy moment he’s ever had with Soonyoung, and now, he was going to lose Soonyoung. Seokmin would never get to have another happy moment with Soonyoung again. His heart shatters at that, but he reaches for another paper, like they were the only thing that would keep him alive, when he knows that they were just going to hurt him worse.

            _Minnie, all I could think about all morning was our wedding._

_I pulled out the photo albums from the bookshelf in the living room, and looked through everyone’s face, and just missed how happy that day was. I hate not being able to make you happy anymore. I hate seeing how upset you are, whether you’re mad at me, or you’re crying because of me._

_I remember our wedding day like it was yesterday. I remember being so nervous, not because I was nervous about being tied down, but being nervous because I didn’t want to fuck our wedding up. I remember I had texted you in a slight panic, and you told me to breathe, and to just do what had been rehearsed._

_I remember that face, you had that same damn face that lit up and the eyes that held a million stars. I remember how goddamn handsome you looked in that suit, and how suave you looked with your hair all slicked back._

_I don’t know what my own face looked like, but I remember I wanted to cry, I was so fucking happy. You had that beautiful look on your face, the one that I wish I could see on your face every day._

_I miss the way that you kissed me, when we were told to do so. I miss that feeling, that pure, over the moon, feeling of joy I got. I miss the way that kiss sent butterflies through my stomach, like it had the first time we kissed, on out second date. I miss the electric hot feeling that kiss had, just like it did when we had sex for the first time, when we had been together for six months. I miss the overwhelming feeling of being loved, and the feeling of loving someone so overwhelmingly, that you don’t know how to explain it._

_I love you more than anything in the world, Seokmin, and I just wish that I had the fucking courage to say it to you again. I’m sick of us fighting like this, it breaks my fucking heart. I’m sorry I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m sorry I can’t fix this. I’m sorry I’ve fucked things up._

Seokmin is full on sobbing once again, ugly sounds of pure melancholy tumbling from his lips, as he clutches the four wrinkled letters to his chest and just lays on the floor in agony. He wants Soonyoung back, he wants to feel the same love for him that he felt years ago.

            Hell, he _does_ feel it, he just doesn’t know how to express it anymore, he doesn’t know how to let Soonyoung know that he misses him. Seokmin just cries on the floor for hours more, before he gets up and walks back to the spare bedroom, sniffling, the letters still in his hands, squeezing them like he used to squeeze Soonyoung’s hand when he was nervous or scared, effectively crumpling the thin paper once again.

            Seokmin lays back on his bed, tossing the letters into a drawer, once he figures out how to let go of them. The alarm clock reads 3:09 am, and Seokmin knows he won’t be sleeping. He knows for sure now. So, he lays on the bed and just stares at the numbers, watching them change through bleary eyes. When it reads 3:23 am, he hears a soft knock on the door, and the crack of light from the now lit hallway fills the room. Seokmin doesn’t roll over to acknowledge Soonyoung, not sure what he should do.

            More light fills the room as Soonyoung steps in and sits on the other edge of the narrow bed Seokmin is laying on.

            “Minnie…? I- I’m sorry… I know its stupid and it doesn’t help anything and it doesn’t change what I said but I’m sorry… I know we need to talk about a lot of things and we need to fix a lot of things, but I think we really need to try to fix things before we tear them apart completely, because I don’t want to let you go… I don’t want to lose you, Seokmin…” Soonyoung’s voice is quiet and soft, and it cracks at the end of his sentence.

            Soonyoung lays beside Seokmin, wedging himself onto the bed and in Seokmin’s side. Seokmin rolls over to lay on his back, and stares at the ceiling.

            “I read the letters, Soonyoung… I- I’m sorry too… I just… I think we got so caught up in ourselves and we didn’t- we stopped trying to express things… I really miss you… I miss being happy and I miss seeing you happy… I love you, and I’m sorry for all the shit I’ve said and all the times we fought and all the stupid shit I got mad about… I want to fix things… I’m so sorry, Soonyoung…”  Seokmin’s voice is a whisper, not trusting his speaking voice. Soonyoung lays there, staring up at the ceiling, just like Seokmin.

            Now though, he reaches over and takes Seokmin’s hand, and holds it tightly. “We’ll figure it out, yeah? Maybe we’ll go to counselling or something, and figure this out…”

            The two of them lay there for the rest of the night, and both call in to work the next morning, to actually get rest. Things weren’t fixed, but at least it was a start. They were going to try and make things better.


End file.
